DROWNING IN A SEA OF MARIJUANA - PAPERBACK

SCREAMING BATFISH BLUES

SNORTING THE DEVIL'S DANDRUFF

SAILORS SHOOT HORSE! DON'T THEY?

Sunday, July 13, 2014

CARSICK

BY

JOHN WATERS





John Waters is putting his life on the line. Armed with wit, a pencil-thin mustache, and a cardboard sign that reads “I’m Not Psycho,” he hitchhikes across America from Baltimore to San Francisco, braving lonely roads and treacherous drivers. But who should we be more worried about, the delicate film director with genteel manners or the unsuspecting travelers transporting the Pope of Trash?
     Before he leaves for this bizarre adventure, Waters fantasizes about the best and worst possible scenarios: a friendly drug dealer hands over piles of cash to finance films with no questions asked, a demolition-derby driver makes a filthy sexual request in the middle of a race, a gun-toting drunk terrorizes and holds him hostage, and a Kansas vice squad entraps and throws him in jail. So what really happens when this cult legend sticks out his thumb and faces the open road? His real-life rides include a gentle eighty-one-year-old farmer who is convinced Waters is a hobo, an indie band on tour, and the perverse filmmaker’s unexpected hero: a young, sandy-haired Republican in a Corvette.
     Laced with subversive humor and warm intelligence, Carsick is an unforgettable vacation with a wickedly funny companion—and a celebration of America’s weird, astonishing, and generous citizenry.  AMAZON.COM



I first discovered John Waters when I was in the navy and stationed onboard the USS-Dixie AD-14. That was back before the military was so fucking politically correct. Anyway, one night they showed a flick on the ship and it was PINK FLAMINGOS!! I shit you not! I can guarantee that will never happen on a United States navy ship again! Pink Flamingos is a disgusting and insanely funny cult classic about a competition to decide who the world's most disgusting person is. 

The two most famous (or infamous) scenes in this raunchy flick are:


# 1 Divine - a 300 lb transvestite - eating a dog turd and it looks pretty damn real!

And

# 2 A scrawny and naked male hillbilly (these were pre-meth days but he looked like a tweeker) steps up on a picnic table, bends over, and spreads his cheeks and then sings the surfing classic - Surfin' Bird - with his sphincter. Actually his bunghole isn't really singing but it is moving to the beat. Surfin' Bird is actually performed by The Trashmen - I've always wondered if they gave the actual rights to use that tune in the film. Surfin' Bird can also be heard in Full Metal Jacket - two very different films.

Anyway, I didn't know who John Waters was when I watched that movie and most likely I was so stoned at the time I didn't pay much attention. Years later though I was watching David Letterman and he had John Waters on as a guest. Waters was brilliantly funny and really seemed to have Letterman flustered, especially when Waters pulled out a box of candy called Dingleberries. I also discovered that night that Waters was a writer and I  have been a big fan of his writing and films ever since.

CARSICK is his newest book and it is a classic. John hitchhikes from Baltimore to Frisco and documents the whole adventure. It's really a three part book. Part one is a fictional account of what could go horribly wrong on the trip. Part two, also fictional, is what could go unbelievably great! Both parts have a real Hunter S. Thompson feel and quality to them. They're fantastic! Part three is the actual account of his cross country adventure and it will have you laughing your ass off! Waters was a very experienced hitcher prior to writing this book and has an account of going on a short hitching trip with Patty Hearst and the driver who picks them up recognizes both of them! I'll bet there isn't one person he's told that story to who believes him. This son of a bitch is highly recommended!!

-Smokey DaFino