Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A Father, His Son, and the Golden Age of Marijuana 



Tony Dokoupil

In the tradition of Blow and Another Bullshit Night in Suck City, The Last Pirate is a vivid, haunting and often hilarious memoir recounting the life of Big Tony, a family man who joined the biggest pot ring of the Reagan era and exploded his life in the process. Three decades later, his son came back to put together the pieces.
As he relates his father’s rise from hey-man hippie dealer to multi-ton smuggler extraordinaire, Tony Dokoupil tells the larger history of marijuana and untangles the controversies still stirring furious debate today. He blends superb reportage with searing personal memories, presenting a probing chronicle of pot-smoking, drug-taking America from the perspective of the generation that grew up in the aftermath of the Great Stoned Age. Back then, everyone knew a drug dealer.The Last Pirate is the story of what happened to one of them, to his family, and in a pharmacological sense, to us all.      
The Last Pirate is a cultural portrait of marijuana’s endless allure set against the Technicolor backdrop of South Florida in the era of Miami Vice. It’s a public saga complete with a real pirate’s booty: more than a million dollars lost, buried, or stolen—but it’s also a deeply personal pursuit, the product of a son’s determination to replant the family tree in richer soil.

...If you smoked Colombian weed in the continental United States between 1970 and 1986, odds are good that the author’s father, Big Tony Dokoupil, was your supplier. A graduate school dropout whose heroin addiction exempted him from the Vietnam War draft, Big Tony had all the makings of an extralegal superstar: handsome, smart, prone to romantic self-mythologizing, and he lived up to the mythology in time. Big Tony moved his first brick of marijuana in 1970, the same year Congress passed the Controlled Substances Act, firing the first shots of what would eventually turn into Reagan’s war on drugs. Marijuana became a Schedule I narcotic, cast as highly addictive and deadly, a scourge on society requiring a new set of draconian punishments.

It was just the kind of challenge Big Tony wanted. Impatient with honest, low-stakes work, he found rebellion as thrilling as any chemical high he pursued. After 14 years in the business, he had amassed more money than he could keep track of, with millions of dollars lost in beer coolers buried across America. Amid all this chaos, Tony started a family with a cleareyed, resourceful schoolteacher who made sure to invest in the one thing the government and the drug trade could never take away — a top-notch education for their only son, Little Tony.

What happens to the Dokoupil family is inevitable: Big Tony walks out on his wife and their 6-year-old son so he can dive deeper into the squalor of cocaine addiction. Former friends and colleagues start ratting, and Big Tony recedes further into the hell he seemed to crave. This titan of the pot trade would have become an obscure footnote, but Big Tony’s son and namesake, a senior writer for NBC News, took an inheritance of psychic loss and transformed it into a probing, exuberant memoir about the history of the American drug economy, the ambitions and failures of politicians and outlaws, fathers and sons. After years of estrangement, Little Tony reunites with his father looking for answers. The result is a fascinating tale about the wreckage of addiction and the shadow side of the American dream...

New York Times

Blow is my all time favorite book on dope smuggling so I was drawn to this one like a moth to a flame when I read the the Amazon promo. It's a real good book - I'd give it four out of five stars - but Blow still reigns supreme. The Last Pirate is written from the viewpoint of the smuggler's son (the author who is a senior writer with NBC News) and is filled with personal memories and in depth interviews with parties involved - he really dishes the dirt on his old man in an interview about the book and in the book itself...

The Old Man was restless in paradise,” he writes of his father at the height of his success, using his drug-trade nickname. “He had broken a cardinal rule of dealing and become an addict himself. Coke and hookers, mostly. He left the party early in search of both.”

...Big Tony, as the family called him, made $2.5 million ($6 million in today’s dollars), almost half of which disappeared, “lost, buried or stolen.” He fell so low that when U.S. marshals finally arrested him in 1992 while he was spearing trash on Miami Beach as part of a sanitation crew, Old Man was happy to see them...

All in all, this is a definite addition to my drug smuggling bookshelf.




Since I was involved in the trade for a while myself I had more than a casual interest in reading it. I'll you what! - This mother fucker rocks!!!

Smokey Dafino

Sailors Shoot Horse! Don't They?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014




Why LCD Works Where Other Plans Fail!

Many plans fail because they rely on
portion control, a form of self sacrifice
that dieters find to be really
mean. Other plans struggle when
they become bogged down in
scientific terminology such as
“carbs,” “fats,” and “proteins,”
technical concepts that simply
overwhelm dieters.

Why This Plan Works
This plan (Plan!) works because it’s
simple and generous. With LCD, eat
and drink as much as you want,
whenever you want, for as long as
you want, with whomever you want,
wherever you are, and however you
want. And don’t worry about esoteric
concepts that throw smokescreens
onto your efforts (“insulin?” What
are we, scientists?!). That’s right, as
long as it’s iceberg lettuce and coffee,
there are absolutely no restrictions.

None at all! 
Take that, Jenny Craig!

The Plan

Phase I: Acclimation

Duration: 7 days
Meals: 3 per day, plus 2 snacks

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Snack: 1 cup coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce
Lunch: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Dinner: 1 cup coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce

Snack: 2 cups coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce

During this acclimation period, your body needs to wean itself from
the rigid pyramid food group items that “conventional” educational
sources (teachers, physicians, scientists, dieticians) have drilled
into our minds as essential. Say goodbye to meats, poultry, fish,
fruit, grains, and breads—and say hello to rich, Colombian coffee
and crisp iceberg lettuce.
Don’t be concerned if you’re doubled-over with cramps after a few
days—those are temporary feelings that subside completely by
Phase II. Those blinding pains are your body telling you that the
plan is working!
Expected weight loss: 27-32 pounds

Phase II: Tapering

Duration: 14 days (shorter if necessary)

Meals: 3 per day, plus 2 snacks

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Snack: 1 cup coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce
Lunch: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Dinner: 1 cup coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce

Snack: 2 cups coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce

This is where you’ll really start to see results. When you’re able to
drag yourself from the couch (you’ll spend a lot of time prostrate in
Phase II) you’ll be overcome with joy at your new-found Self.

Expected weight loss: 44-51 pounds

Phase III: Fit for Life

Duration: Ongoing

Meals: 3 per day, plus 2 snacks

Breakfast: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Snack: 1 cup coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce
Lunch: 2 cups coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce
Dinner: 1 cup coffee, 1 cup iceberg lettuce

Snack: 2 cups coffee, 1/2 cup iceberg lettuce

Phase III is where the magic begins. Your middle-age paunch will
be replaced by rib-cage abs, signs that your body has completely
acclimated to the LCD lifestyle. And don’t be alarmed at intermittent
blackouts or muscle failure—they’re temporary symptoms that are
byproducts of any successful weight management program.

Expected weight loss: 15% of body weight per week.

The Complete Guide to
Your Favorite Foods

The following is a list of all foods
you should feel free to enjoy
while on the Plan:

Foods to Enjoy:

Iceberg Lettuce


Foods to Avoid:

DAIRY (milks and cheeses)
(except lettuce, see above)
(except coffee, see above)

Real Results: LCD Success Stories

In just 7 weeks on the Iceberg Lettuce and Coffee Diet, I dropped 137 pounds and went from a size 34 to a
perfect 2. Though I can’t stand upright, my self esteem has never been higher. Thanks, LCD! ----B. Glen, Chicago, IL

I was a bit leery about LCD after the 60 Minutes piece, but my wedding was three weeks away and I wanted to
look good. I’m happy to report that I shed 79 pounds in just 19 days. And despite the persistent gum bleeding
and total hair loss, my dress fit great! LCD works!
---M. Jackowitz, San Jose, CA

I’m a 44-year old 5’10” male who’s been active his entire life, and I never thought weight management would
be an issue that I’d need to confront. But when I recently tipped the scales at 425 pounds (I was 185 when I
turned 40), my clothes weren’t fitting right and my wife started to notice. In fact, our lovemaking had also
slowed considerably.
I began following the LCD Plan after witnessing a co-worker’s rapid success (followed by her untimely death)
two months ago. Since then, I’ve shed 220 pounds and my wife is insatiable. Muchos gracias, LCD!
---E. Gorman, Las Cruces, NM

Problems You Might Encounter

 It’s no secret that the LCD works. In addition to finding
unparalleled success in meeting your weight loss goals, you’ll gain tremendous self-confidence and a much more manageable metabolic rate. These are considerable triumphs, reassuring you that you’re on your way to a successful LCD lifestyle. And as you adapt to these changes, don’t be alarmed if you experience any or all of the following (remember, your body is correcting years of
abuse, relearning the way it needs to properly function):

• Heart Palpitations
• Hair Loss
• Migraines
• Fainting
• Short and/or Long-Term Memory Obstruction
• Incontinence (Phase III dieters only)
• Internal and External Bleeding
• Searing Stomach Pains
• Permanent Hearing Impairment or Loss
• Tooth Abscesses
• Halitosis (severe in teens and seniors)
• Bruxism

• Muscle Failure
• Bone Mass Erosion (BME)
• Ulcers
• Gout
• Parathyroid Goiters
• Rickets
• Scurvy
• Breathing abnormalities
• Liver and/or kidney damage
• Grand Mal Seizures
• Alzheimer’s (rare; death far more common—see below)

• Death

Recipes: The Complete Guide to Your Favorite Foods

This plan is nothing if not easy to follow. Intimidated by the Food Network? No
worries! Even a child can prepare these easy-to-follow recipes:

Handful o’ Lettuce
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
• Cut 1 cup of iceberg lettuce into small pieces
• Place on 10” plate
• Enjoy!

Koffee Krazy
Ingredients: 1 cup coffee, water

• Pour one cup steaming caffeinated coffee into mug;
• Add water to taste;

• Enjoy!

Many diets fail because they become tedious. Day after day, dieters recycle the
same tired menus, and this lack of variety—besides being nutritionally
unbalanced—leads to boredom, dissatisfaction . . . and ultimately, failure.
Not so with the LCD. We want you to succeed, and we’ve gone to great lengths to cultivate some of the most exotic meal variations offered on any diet plan. Did someone say Creole? Tex-Mex? Pub Fare? You won’t even know you’re dieting!

Creole Lettuce
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
CAUTION: Prepare in a well-ventilated kitchen!
• Pick and wash lettuce
• Combine strips of lettuce (NOT TOO THIN) in a shallow baking dish, coating
sides liberally with remaining lettuce
• Discard the bone and neck (my grandma eats them, but I can’t stand the

• Chill before serving

Tex-Mex Lettuce
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
• Cut a 7-8 pound lettuce into 2” cubes
• Place in large mixing bowl
• Refrigerate overnight
• Stir well to mix all ingredients

• Let cool and enjoy!

Pub Fare Lettuce
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
• Roll lettuce into 4 equal-sized balls and place on baking sheet
• Preheat oven to 40o;
• Spread lettuce liberally onto 12” platters;
• DO NOT WORRY IF INGREDIENTS MIX (it’s pub food, ‘member?!)

• Enjoy!

Fusion Lettuce
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
• Completely bone and skin lettuce
• Cut into 3” slices
• Chop remaining lettuce into bite-sized strips (or chunks)
• In a large mixing bowl, prepare minced lettuce
• Let set 30 minutes or until cool
• Enjoy (my girlfriend uses chop sticks, but I don’t have the patience!)

Haute French Lettuce
(suggested wine: coffee)
Ingredients: 1 cup iceberg lettuce
• Peel and finely chop lettuce
• Cut lettuce into 2” strips
• Finely grind the zest of 1/8 cup lettuce
• Slice remaining lettuce peelings, making sure to remove quarters of flesh
• Toss lettuce and remove to cast iron pot
• While stirring, add remaining lettuce
• Place on 10” plate, garnish with lettuce

• Enjoy!

Eating Out and the LCD

The LCD integrates seamlessly into your busy lifestyle. Not a homebody and prefer the flexibility
of dining at your favorite restaurants? The LCD travels just fine, thank you very much!
It doesn’t take much tweaking to convert these traditional restaurant meals to LCD-compliant alternatives:

McDonald’s: Big Mac, Fries, & Diet Coke
LCD-friendly variation: remove two beef patties, special sauce, cheese, pickles, onions, bun, fries,
diet coke; add coffee.

Wendy’s: Baked Potato, Chili, Frosty
LCD-friendly variation: remove baked potato, chili, Frosty; add lettuce, coffee.

Bennigan’s: Nachos, Buffalo Wings, Fried Perch, Strawberry Sundae LCD-friendly variation: remove nachos, Buffalo wings, fried perch, strawberry sundae; add lettuce, coffee.

Morton’s Steakhouse: New England Clam Chowder Soup (chicken stock), bread basket, Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail, 32 oz. Porterhouse, Steamed Asparagus with Hollandaise Sauce, Apple Fritter
LCD-friendly variation: remove New England clam chowder soup, bread basket, jumbo shrimp cocktail, 32 oz. porterhouse, steamed asparagus with Hollandaise sauce, apple fritter; add lettuce,


The LCD Online Store

Nothing says motivation like an LCD hat or t-shirt. Make sure you’re staying the course—shop LCD.

Customize your selections with a choice of LCD slogans like:

“Fuck Protein, Eat Lettuce”
“I lost 247 pounds in 4 weeks on the LCD Diet. Ask me how”

for the following items:
Specify size: S, XS, XXS, XXXS
$12.95 + S/H

• Low-Rise Cap
“Sports fans, shed pounds while supporting your home
team. Order yours with your favorite NFL logo”)
$16.95 ($1 more for CFL teams)

• Coffee mug
$4.95 + S/H

• Refrigerator magnets
(may not work on stainless steel appliances)
$3.95, 3/$11 + S/H

• Three-button Henley
“100% cotton—of course!
Specify size: S, XS, XXS, XXXS
$24.95 + S/H (Phase III dieters deduct $2)

LCD Suspenders
“LCD Suspenders: Take the guesswork out of your
weight loss progress. These fashionable suspenders work
great in any Phase”
Phase I (cotton)
Phase II (Kevlar reinforced)
Phase III (brass)
$17.95 + S/H

LCD Dentures
Social settings can get awkward when your teeth
crumble. Don’t risk it—LCD dentures work.
NEW! Gum mask implant—obscures unsightly gum
bleeding. Compatible with LCD Dentures
Dentures: $47.95; Gum Mask: $13.95
Save $$$$, purchase LCD Dentures and LCD Gum Mask

together: $59.95 + S/H

LCD Wigs
Hair loss? Who needs to know. LCD Wigs come in your
choice of styles:
Horseshoe pattern
Paris Hilton
Rasta Man
70’s Afro
Jackie Chan
Joyce DeWitt
Call for pricing

Bed Pans
Bed ridden? No energy to move? Avoid embarrassing
accidents. The LCD bed pan makes sense.
$32.95 (rush orders, add $4)
• Rearasil
Hide unsightly bed sores and boost confidence as you
stay the course
Recommended for Phase II users only.
$34.95 + S/H

The LCD City Tote
Let LCD integrate with your sophisticated Big-City
lifestyle. Coordinates well with any style, throughout the

Available in your choice of colors:
Lusty Lettuce
Leapin’ Lettuce
Luscious Lettuce
Loopy Lettuce

$24.95 + S/H